Ask the Seireitei
by Kirandra
Summary: Inspired by other 'Ask' fics I read. Here, people from Bleach gather to answer your questions! Includes but not limited to: Ishida Uryuu, Kurosaki Ichigo, Kuchiki Rukia, Kuchiki Byakuya, Hitsugaya Toushirou... ON PERMANENT HIATUS
1. Welcome!

**Ask the Seireitei**

Irasshaimasen!

Welcome to Ask the Seireitei, a Bleach fic in which you can ask _certain_ taichous, fuku-taichous and other people any burning questions you might have about Bleach.

Rules:

No M-rated stuff. This story is strictly K-rated.

Limit is 5 questions per review, 50 words per question. Please…

No questions outside the context of Bleach.

All questions in English please. This may seem weird, but well…

List of askable people:

Kurosaki Ichigo

Ishida Uryuu

Inoue Orihime

Kuchiki Byakuya

Kuchiki Rukia

Hitsugaya Toushirou

Abarai Renji

Kenpachi Zaraki

Kusajishi Yachiru

Matsumoto Rangiku

Ukitake Juushirou

At the request of _ilianabrpadfoot,_ Ishida Ryuuken

and Kurosaki Isshin are included too.

So are Ichimaru Gin and

Urahara Kisuke, for _bladescream_

And Shinji and Hiyori are here too. So is Mayuri. And Ulquiorra and Nel.

(I may have forgotten some others...)

If you want to ask, please review under the latest chapter.

Sayonara for now!


	2. Chapter 1

Well welcome back to another chapter of 'Ask the Seireitei'

_**Chapter 1**_

Well welcome back to another chapter of 'Ask the Seireitei'! Thanks to _bladescream_ for reviewing. Ok so here goes!

-mysterious person pops onto stage-

Person: Hello! I am your host for 'Ask the Seireitei". Now I', sure you all know the basics of this fic. If not, read the first chapter. Anyway, if you haven't read my profile, here's a basic self-intro: my name, as you can guess from my username, is Sakuragi Kirandra aka Kira. Now I shall introduce the characters…

-Kira pulls various grumbling shinigami onto stage-

Kira: Say hi everyone!

Gathered shinigami: Hi…

Kira: Ok we have our first review of the fic! Thank you _bladescream_!

**From **_**bladescream**_

**hmm its a good start, first review? hm i know that many times a review cheers people up, like i think i get really few reviews sometimes, so hope this review cheers u up u might wanna add more characters sometimes, i know that it could be really hard but yup so heres three questions, btw can i add more questions when u post your second chapter? **

Kira: Add as many as you want! And I have enough characters already, so I'm not really planning to add any more… well unless you count that various OCs will be appearing during the fic. If you really want you can ask me questions too.****

Hitsugaya- How do you really feel about your fukutaichou? its not supposed to be like romance related but u could do that if u wanted i guess

Hitsugaya: How do I feel about Momo? Umm… let's see…

Momo: -blush- Toushirou…

Hitsugaya: -blushes too- It's Hitsugaya taichou! And I… I… don't like Momo! –runs off while blushing-

Momo: Toushirou! –runs off too-

Kira: Oh dear I just lost 2 characters. Never mind I'll get them back some other time.****

Ichigo- WHO DO YOU LIKE? I'm pretty sure that that question is asked in almost every single ask fic.  


Ichigo: No one.

Renji: What about Rukia?

Ichigo: Yeah, right. You're just jealous, aren't you?

Rukia: -slaps Renji and Ichigo- Shut up!

-Kira pulls them apart before they can start fighting-

**  
Ukitake- How did you really get your disease? (dunno if that's spelled right), and if you knew about it, then why didn't you get help before it was too late?**

Ukitake: I actually have an allergy to reiishi, so I can't do anything due to the nature of my job. **  
**

Rukia: Poor taichou…

**  
update soon? XD**

Kira: Sure! Well that concludes the first official chapter of 'Ask the Seireitei'! Now people please review so I can upload the second chapter, onegai… Oh yes before I forget there are a few other characters I haven't introduced yet! They will be here from the second chapter onwards… Yachiru! Are you done?

-Yachiru pops onto stage-

Yachiru: Yeah I'm done Kira! Here they are! –pulls Uryuu and Orihime onto stage-

Ichigo: -stares- Ishida?!

Uryuu: -pushes up glasses- Yes, Kurosaki?

Kira: Enough! You're all here as guests of my fic –

Ichigo: I didn't ask to be.

Kira: -glares dangerously at Ichigo- Ichigo, someday I will get Byakuya to use Senbon Zakura Kageyoshi on you.

Byakuya: …

Kira: Anyway, back to what I was saying, you can ask them questions too, like I said in the intro. For now, I'm getting some peace till the next review! Sayonara! –stalks off angrily-

Everyone else: …


	3. Chapter 2

Kira: Well here we are again! The 2nd chapter of 'Ask the Seireitei'! Yes I got 3 more reviews… Thanks guys! -bows profusely- Here we go – the second round of questions!

From _bladescream___

**No more characters? That's ok lol just a suggestion... hmm... more reviews**

**yay! Then u can make the fic longer hehe good chapter by the way... more questions! I'll ask more different people this time**

**Kira: how are you today? Lol and who's your favorite character out of the list that you picked?**

Kira: I'm fine, thank you for asking! And I really like Uryuu-kun! Quincies rock way more than shinigami! –fangirls excessively–

Uryuu: -pushes up glasses- And I thought I'd be free of fangirls here…

**Yachiru: how much candy can you eat before you start feeling sick?**

Yachiru: Um… the most I've ever eaten is about 10kg of chocolate; Ken-chan gave it to me…

**Kenpachi: would you ever give her that much candy?**

Zaraki: Eh I thought I already did.

**Rukia: Would you go as Chappy during Halloween? Haha lol random**

Rukia: Ooh! I can? I was just afraid Nii-sama would disapprove. You mean I'm actually allowed to?

Byakuya: Actually, it's not considered proper etiquette for nobles to dress up during Halloween.

Rukia: Oh. Sorry to disappoint you bladescream but no…

**Orihime: how do you get all these random recipe ideas? Do you just think them up randomly?**

Orihime: They're not random! I got them off a cookery book! -holds up old and torn book-

Ichigo: Let me see that. -grabs book-

-everyone looks through book-

_Five minutes later…_

Uryuu: Um. Where did you get this Inoue-san?

Orihime: Eh… I think I picked it up somewhere…

Uryuu: Figures.

**K I'll stop there seeing as how five is the limit, hope u update soon, I**

**Wanna c how this turns out XD**

Kira: Bye! Continue reviewing!

From _sailor winx –_

**Hi! Just to let you know I can get pretty carried away with ask fics.**

**Gin-how do you really feel about Rangiku? Any romance?**

Ichimaru: She's a nice girl...

**Byakuya, Gin, Toushirou, Ukitake, Kenny, Kisuke and strawberry- you are my favourite boys on bleach**

Urahara: Thanks! I knew I was popular with the girls XD

Kira: Kisuke, are you _sure_ that's a girl?

Ichigo: Call me strawberry again and you're dead.

**Yachiru- you are so cute and scary that just makes you so much cuter. Why do you like fighting?**

Yachiru: I do? Maybe it's Ken-chan's influence.

From _ilianabrpadfoot –_

**Hello! I read the First chapter and decided that it was Interesting! What a brilliant Idea :) Ryuuken sama rocks but hey i guess that's not in the list.**

**So, hmm...**

Kira: I am still annoyed over the Gmail incident, and I shall pretend not to know you, as well as I have no idea why I even included this review, or why I'm even typing this, but I'll include your precious Ishida-dono if you like. Everyone, Ishida Ryuuken is now on the official list of askable characters. I shall have to change the introduction though...

**For Abarai Renji:**

**What kind of people do you like as in**

Kira: As in what? Sorry guys but Renji cannot answer due to the incomplete review. PLEASE, avoid doing this in future. And another request: USE PROPER GRAMMER!! MS Word is going ballistic over the grammar and I'm going crazy fixing it. Onegai…

Renji: Wait. I'll try to answer the question. If you ignore the last two words it makes sense. Ok lets see… I don't really know.

Ichigo: That's because you're too busy liking Rukia to care.

Renji: I am not!

Ichigo: You are too.

Renji: Am no-

Kira: Ok break it up guys. That's the end of the second chapter. I have decided to accommodate requests for character addition, so if you want any other characters to appear just review and request. Oh and I forgot! _Yachiru!_

Yachiru: Yes, Kira-chan?

Kira: I need you to drag Toushirou and Momo back here for me. They're still missing after running off in the previous chapter… -evil smile-

Yachiru: Sure! -runs off quickly-

Kira: One more thing: AWA STOP REVIEWING. Or I shall really kill you in the next chapter. Everyone else ignore this part. Sayonara everyone!


	4. Chapter 3

From bunnylia:

Kira: The third chapter of 'Ask the Seireitei' is up! And here we are again with character questions. This time we have 4 reviews to answer… Arigato gozaimasu! –bows to reviewers-

From bunnylia:

**This fanfic is so cool! Can I ask some questions?**

Kira: You did.**  
**

**(To Hitsugaya): Why are you so short? And why do you THINK Tite Kubo decided to get a woman to voice you?**

Hitsugaya: I AM NOT SHORT!! And it's not my fault Tite Kubo made a woman voice me! I'll get revenge _someday–_

-Kira drags picture of Tite Kubo onstage-

Hitsugaya: _Daiguren Hyourinma-_

Kira: -pulls out lighter-

Hitsugaya: -backs away slowly- Oh… ok…**  
**

**(To Byakuya): What is the purpose of those accessories in your hair, apart from indicating royalty? Do you enjoy wearing them, or were you forced to? Yes, that's about it... Did I annoy you too much?**

Byakuya: They're called kenseikan. They don't have much other purpose, really. I don't mind wearing them as long as no one tries to break them. -glares at Ichigo-

From DON'T USE UNLESS CYLONS ATTACK:

**Well kewl idea!  
**

**For Kuchiki Byakuya: If Rukia and Ichigo ever hooked up, what would you do?**

Kira: Shall we see? -pushes Rukia and Ichigo together-

Byakuya: -glaring- What are you doing to my sister, Ichigo?

Ichigo: -blushes- Nothing!

Byakuya: Senkei Senbon Zakura Kageyoshi…

Kira: -quickly jumps between them- Ok, enough. I don't want any gruesome murders on the fic. Byakuya, don't kill Ichigo. Ichigo, get away from Rukia.

Ichigo: -glares at Kira- You… -clenches fist-**  
**

**For Inoue Orihime: Same question  
**

Orihime: Uh… It's alright if they really like each other, I guess…

**For Renji: Same question**

Renji: Like-like I'd care!**  
**

Ichigo: Admit it, you're jealous!

Renji: -blushes- Am not! _Hihiou Zabimaru!_

Ichigo: What–? _Tensa Zangetsu!_

Kira: -sigh- Here we go again… I'll just let you fight it out this time.

-half an hour and a bloodied Renji and mostly fine Ichigo later-

Kira: -after getting Urahara to heal Renji- Ok, so now you know not to challenge Ichigo, Renji. Or I hope so… anyway, on to the next question.

**For Yoriuchi: Out of all the animals in the world, why did you choose to turn into a cat?  
**

Yoruichi: Why not? Cats are nice animals. And my name is spelt Y-O-R-U-I-C-H-I.

**For Yachiru and Hitsugaya: In a candy eating contest, who would win out of the two of you?**

Hitsugaya: Like I'd ever take part in one anyway.

Yachiru: Me, of course! Shiro-chan could never eat so much candy!

Hitsugaya: For the last time, I AM NOT SHIRO-CHAN!!

Kira: My ears…

From MintFlavouredIceCream:

**Cool, I have a few questions too!!**

Ichigo: Any romantic feelings towards Rukia??

Ichigo: No! Well… -glances sideways- Not with Byakuya around, anyway.****

Ukitake Taicho: Noticed that you've had not been asked any questions yet so here go's. Do your two subordinates annoy you in anyway??

Ukitake: They're ok if they don't quarrel too loudly. I got used to it a long time ago.****

Rukia: What were your feelings when you knew that you were about to be executed??

Rukia: I said it before in the manga. It's ok as long as Ichigo doesn't suffer because of me.

Yachiru: Aww, how sweet…****

Uryuu: What got you into sewing in the first place??  


Uryuu: -pushes up glasses- I like it. Anything wrong? To answer your question, when I first moved out I had to mend my own clothes so I picked up sewing and eventually became rather good at it.

Ichigo: What a sissy activity.

Uryuu: It's none of your business what I like, Kurosaki! -starts fighting with Ichigo-

Ryuuken: -sigh- Thank goodness Isshin isn't here too, or I can't imagine the chaos.

**  
Hitsugaya Taicho: Ne ne Shirou-chan, what's it like to have Hyōrinmaru as your zanpakutō??  
**

Hitsugaya: It's Hitsugaya-taichou! How hard is that to remember? Finally I get a half-decent question!

Momo: That's wonderful, Toushirou!

Hitsugaya: Not Toushirou, _Hitsugaya-taichou!_ What do you mean, what's it like? It's… kind of… I'm not really affected by cold because of Hyourinmaru… but…**  
**

**Thank you :)**

Kira: Same to you!

From bladescream:

**Character requests?! That's so cool! anyways a character that I would like to request would be Urahara and Gin because I think those two are really cool thanks and hey... that's mean mintflavouredicecream, I asked ukitake a question already, maybe u didnt see or whatever, haha its cool though :) I like this fic too much to complain**

Kira: Yay! Thank you bladescream, you are my favourite reviewer ever! Urahara and Gin have just been added, arigato!****

My questions are:

Urahara (if he's added)- Whets the deal with the shop? And whets your most dangerous experiment?

Urahara: Well, I don't think there's anything weird or wrong with Urahara Shoten. Now I shall demonstrate my most dangerous experiment ever, glad you asked! Well here it is…

-shunpoes off to Urahara Shoten and returns with a large plastic-bag-covered thing-

Urahara: On the count of 3! 3… 2…

Kira: _Atsumeru…_

Urahara: Ok, ok! -quickly removes hands from plastic bag cover- I apologize but I cannot show you the experiment due to a risk of being… er… _zanpakuto-ed._

Kira: -grins- Heh.****

Rukia: why do you like chappy so much?

Rukia: Chappy's a rabbit, right? Well, the only non-evil hollow I ever met had a mask that looked a bit like a rabbit, and it saved me. So I started liking rabbits after that.

Everyone else: …****

Hitsugaya: how hard was it to get the rank of captain at such a young age?

Hitsugaya: I AM NOT YOUNG!! The next person to insult me orcall me weird names will suffer Hyourinmaru in bankai form!****

Uryuu: if you and Orihime got married, would you make her wedding dress?

Uryuu: -blushes- Uh… uh… What makes you think I'd marry… marry Inoue-san at all?

Kira: Just answer the question. It's the rules of this fic.

Uryuu: Uh… yes, I guess…

**  
Orihime- if he said yes, how would you feel about that? If no, would you persist in bugging him about making one?  
**

Orihime: I… I… don't know… I… I guess I wouldn't bother him if he said no…?

**  
I know I ask such lame questions. Oh well. Waiting for your next chapter, they make me laugh **

Kira: Well here's the end of another chapter! Ichigo, Renji, PLEASE try not to fight any more. I have enough to do without you adding to it.

Ichigo and Renji: -glaring at each other- Fine…

Kira: Good! Now before I go I shall introduce you to our guest for the next chapter… _dun dun dun…_

-Yachiru drags someone out onto stage-

Kira: Here he is! Our resident Quattro Espada, Ulquiorra Schieffer! Or however you spell it… Yachiru just got him from Las Noches. I'll be taking questions for him for the next chapter only! After that, it's back off to Las Noches for him, to his precious Aizen-sama!

Ichigo: Why does even that sound wrong…?

Kira: -turns and glares at Ichigo- I could make it sound worse for you.

Ichigo: Yeah, right.

Kira: -clenches fist- That's it. Atsume-

-Rukia quickly pulls the curtains shut and steps in front of them. Sounds of scuffling can be heard from behind, along with what _sounds _like Renji shouting-

Rukia: Sorry, but information that cannot be revealed yet was about to be revealed, so I had to cut it off! Anyway, goodbye and remember to review! Eh…

Kira: -sticks head out of curtain- Sayonara! Oops… -dives back inside-


	5. Chapter 4

From AllenxWalker'sxEnemy

Kira: Hello yet again, to the fourth chapter of 'Ask the Seireitei'! My apologies to all readers, in the previous chapter, the word "kimeru" was meant to be "atsumeru". Sorry for the error, it's been corrected… As for its significance, read on to find out…

Kisuke: If you can understand Japanese, then you should understand!

Kira: Stop spoiling the story! Now for my favourite part: the questions! Here we go again…

From AllenxWalker'sxEnemy:

**This seems really good!!  
One question: If Ichigo and Rukia somehow went off eloping, what would Byakuya do?**

Byakuya: … Why does everyone seem to enjoy asking me questions about Ichigo and Rukia? Simple – Ichigo can do anything he wants to anyone as long as it's not Rukia. Otherwise… -tightens grip on Senbonzakura-

Ichigo: Fine, fine, I get your point!

From Satoshistar7:

**WHY DO YOU TREAT URYUU SO COLDLY RUYKEN ?! WOULD YOUR WIFE REALLY APPROVE OF THE WAY YOU ARE TREATING YOUR SON! How do you feel about this Uryuu?**

Ryuuken: A Quincy cannot be distracted by emotion. A Quinc-

Kira: Just. Answer. The. Question.

Uryuu: I'm not too bothered really. -pushes up glasses-

Ryuuken: -sigh- Kira. Just because you happen to be a sh-

KIra: SHUUUT UUUP! -shoves Ryuuken offstage- I ALREADY SAID YOU WERE NOT TO REVEAL THAT!! -starts hitting Ryuuken with anything around her-

Rukia: -sigh- Question discontinued. Next.

From DON'T USE UNLESS CYLONS ATTACK:

**Just the one:  
Ulquiorra: How did it feel to get ' slapped' by Inoue? Mildly interesting or are you now suffering from a mental disease because your ego is now thoroughly dented? ty **

Ulquiorra: That had nothing to do with my ego.

From MintFlavouredIceCream:

**Great chapter, loved it :)  
To Bladescream: Oh yea sorry Bladescream, i didn't notice. I was too busy thinking how cool this fic is. **

Kira: Where did you get your Zanpakto, cos i want one.

Kira: Oh so you noticed! ;D Wait and see, it's gonna come out in the next few chapters (I hope…) Well the full story will be revealed soon! Hopefully in the next few chapters…**  
**

**Ulquiorra: There is quite a lot of romance fanfic out there about you and Inoue. Any romantic feelings towards Inoue-San at all??**

Ulquiorra: … No.

From sailor winx:

**omg i love this story it is so funny **

Ukitake: i have i same birthday as your subordinates. my question is do you think strawberry is kaien's reincarnation?

Ukitake: Actually, no. He's… different. How I can't exactly explain…

strawberry- do you like like orihime. Yes i am a ichihime fan

Ichigo: I already said in the first volume: I do not like Orihime in any romantic way.

shorty- will you marry me

Hitsugaya: I AM NOT SHORTY!! DAIGUREN HYOURINMARU! –mauls sailor winx with Hyourinmaru-

_Five minutes later…_

-Hitsugaya sits fuming (Hyourinmaru is still in bankai mode) while Ryuuken tends to sailor winx-

Yachiru: Marriage proposal rejected! Aw, what a pity…**  
**

Kira: Hey, you _were _warned…

**  
Yachiru: who is your favorite person and why and it can't be someone from your squad. **Yachiru: Awww, that's so mean! Well I'd have to say it's Ichi-chan, he drew with Ken-chan in a fight.

**kira: you are so awesome**

Kira: Heh. -grins-

From Apples-ForDessert:

**Nice fic :D  
And when did you start reading FMA? Never knew you liked it. xD SO, on with the questions!**

Kira: Are you referring to my other fic? I paused it since there were no reviews.

Ichigo: There are many pictures of you kissing either Renji or Uryuu online. Any comments on that?

Ichigo: EW! Like I'd ever like _them_. -jabs thumb at Uryuu and Renji-

Renji and Uryuu: Same question as stated above

Renji and Uryuu: … No comment.

Byakuya: WHY IS YOUR HAIR SO NEAT! And don't you dare say that you use Senbonzakura to trim it!

Byakuya: Um. Well… is it actually that neat?

Gin: Were you born with that face? glomps Gin, Fangirl squeals sorry

Gin: Nope! Now get off me.

eh...ok Vivi-chan. Review done. You should known who I am, yes?

Kira: No. And do not call me that.

From bladescream:

**YAY! that chapter was super fast and yay! im the favorite reviewer snidely looks at all of the reviewers and laughs ahahah im just kidding. kidding. :) i know, i'm so humble sometimes, it makes me cry ahaha, very nice chapter as always, but now i just realized that my wedding dress question was a tad on the weird side, oh well. and and and...oh well its ok mintflavouredicecream this fic is too fun for any complaints, now that i look back at it, i go like / i shouldnt have said that. oh well and double YAY! for my two characters getting added super awesomeness. and i LoLed like literally when i read the  
response to my urahara question, but i had to stop because i was in a library . thats not good, this is getting too long, im going to give out my questions now...  
**

Kira: Nice to know that others like this fic! I never expected it to get so… um… popular?

**  
ulquiorra: those tear marks on your eyes. were they there before, like were you born with it? or did you put them on yourself?  
**

Ulquiorra: They only came when I became an Arrancar. I think it was a side effect of taking off my mask…

**  
gin, yay u got added: when you walk around in public, has anyone ever asked you if you were sleepwalking? (i have many more questions for gin in store )  
**

Ichimaru: No… Do I really look like I'm sleepwalking? -creepy grin-

Yachiru: Look! The banana smile!

**  
Ichigo: is your hair like that? i meant like were you born like that? or did you make your hair that color on purpose, (please dont kill me ichigo)  
**

Ichigo: How many times have I said it's natural already? Stop asking about that one kay?

Kira: -teasingly- Really? It's not dyed?

Ichigo: I SAID NO, DAMMIT!

**  
Hitsugaya- im soo sorry about what i said, dont kill me hitsugaya-TAICHO rofl...anyway your question...have you ever been denied access on a theme park ride? (you know why you would, dont kill me please? XD)**

Hitsugaya: -reads and spots the word taichou- Finally SOMEONE calls me Hitsugaya-taichou!

Momo: Congratulations, Toushirou!

Hitsugaya: It's _Hitsugaya-taichou!!_

Kira: -sigh- I'm getting bored of saying this… Just answer the question!

Hitsugaya: Oh… uh… ok… -reads rest of question quickly- No, since I've never been in a theme park.

Kenpachi- how much do you bench? like working out and such?

Zaraki: Huh? What's bench? I don't work out unless you count fighting.

ah now hitsugaya and ichigo are going to kill me  
runs away...oh yesh and update soon as always, ill be waiting with another review all ready

Kira: Actually, you got away on both counts. Ichigo's likely to be after me, and Shirou-chan's not angry at you anymore… Right, Shirou-chan?

Hitsugaya: -glares while muttering to self- Must… control… must… control…

From ChibiUlquiorra:

**YES! My second ever Review! I've never seen an ask fic before, so sorry if I write too much...  
k, here goes:  
**

**1. Inoue, I'm writing a fanfic where you, Ulquiorra, Grimmjow, Syzael, who's been turned into a girl, and Nnoitora going to Los Angeles. In the story, Aizen gives everyone roles to act out while on the trip. You are Ulquiorra's girlfriend. Would you like having that relationship with him?  
**

Orihime: No, I want to be with Ichigo-kun…

**2. Inoue again. Will you ever realize that Ichigo will never love you, and that he will love Rukia istead?  
**

Orihime: I don't care, I still want to protect Ichigo…

Ichigo: Who said I'll love Rukia? Renji can have her.

Renji: -blush- What you- Hihiou Zabimaru!

Kira: -sigh- Atsumeru…

Renji: Fine, fine! -gets Zabimaru back into sword form-

**3. Kenpachi-san. How many peoples have you killed in you life/death-time?**

Zaraki: I stopped counting after a hundred. I prefer to fight than kill, actually. **  
**

**4. Yachiru-chan. How many out of those people have you seen Kenpachi kill?**

Yachiru: Hm? Eh… I didn't count either, maybe about half?**  
**

**5. Ukitake. You have a disease, and I think I might have chronic bronchitis. How can I deal with it? Advice please?**

Ukitake: My disease is not bronchitis, it's an allergy to reiishi. So sorry but I cannot answer that.

From awapadfoot:

**HELLO!  
I have no idea why my review got cut short. So weird. Anyway...**

Kira: -eyes closed- You… never mind. People, continue without me for a while. -goes backstage-**  
**

**Renji:  
Why do you tie up your hair?**

Ichigo: Cos he looks like a girl if he doesn't.

Renji: Hihiou Za- -glances at glaring people surrounding him- Eh… **  
**

**General audience:  
Do you like him with his hair untied or tied?**

Everyone: Tied!

**RYUUKEN SAMA:  
Do you eat slowly like Uryu-kun does too? And do you object to the host here fangirling over Uryu? And when did you start to torture Uryu-kun? And what was your wife's name?**

Ryuuken: I eat _normally_. The next two questions I will not answer. And the last question is… personal.

Uryuu: You have to answer. It's the rules.

Ryuuken: No.

Kira: -comes out from backstage- Leave it.**  
**

**THE HOST:  
You are KIRA? Hah? A better name could have been Isuzu... Skywalker. runs off laughing**

Kira: Call me anything except Kira, and you are dead.**  
**

**Byakuya:  
Do you like chocolate? Like L? :)**

Byakuya: Who's L? What's chocolate?

Rukia: -shaking head- Poor Nii-sama…

**part of review deleted here**

Kira: -holding pen- That part was cancelled out by me. I said before, only Bleach stuff here. Got that?

From bunnylia:

**Wow, I really love this fic, thus I shall selfishly ask more questions that  
are very disturbing.**

**  
(To Ulquiorra): Do you wear eyeliner? If you do, then why do you want that  
'emo' image?**

Ulquiorra: I do not wear eyeliner. What makes you thinkI do?

**  
(To Hitsugaya Again): So sorry, Hitsugaya-TAICHO... if you insisted EVERYONE  
to call you Hitsugaya-TAICHO, did you force your parents/grandmother to call  
you Hitsugaya-TAICHO too?**

Hitsugaya: -still very angry- Just so you know, I became a taichou only after my grandmother died. Thus that question does not apply.

**  
(To Inoue): In one of my stories, I made you blow up Aizen's Corridor to the  
Throne-room because you put in sodium in one of your improvised recipies. Do  
you think you can really do that?**

Orihime: Sodium? As in sodium chloride, or table salt? I put that in my food all the time.

**  
And how appetizing does maple syrup on steak sound to you?  
Wait, last one, before I leg it.**

Orihime: Nice! Make it for me one day, will you?

**  
(To Kira, the host): Kira, I was always under the impression that you suffer  
from depression. Now I'm banned from reviewing, right? (Runs away, laughing  
maniacally)**

Kira: You know, of all the things I've ever been told, the weirdest one is still saner than this? Do I really seem depressed??

Everyone else: You never know.

Kira: The answer is no, anyway, that's all for this chapter! Remember to review! Oh, and I'll be doing an Arrancar arc special soon! Not until I've got 50 reviews though! Anyway… -pushes Ulquiorra through portal that just appeared- Well that's taken care of him! Sayonara!


	6. Chapter 5

Kira: Back again

Kira: Back again! Although there're only 3 reviews…

Ichigo: Yeah, yeah, get on with it.

Kira: -glares- Fine.

From sailor winx:

**Hitsugaya-taicho: i will always love you. do wake with your hair like that**

Hitsugaya: You… love me? –blush- But- but-

Kira: It's Momo, right?

Hitsugaya: -blushes harder- No! Well… I have no idea what the question means anyway.****

Rangiku: what was it like to first you first met hitsugaya.  


Matsumoto: He had nearly killed his grandmother with his powers. Didn't you read the omake?

**  
kira: are KIRA you know the one with the death note**

Kira: -laughs- I wish… Let's see, just for fun… -pulls on Raito mask-

Kira: -trying to imitate Raito- _Watashi wa atarashi sekai no kami! _(I am god of the new world)

Everyone else: …

Kira: -pulls off mask- Fine, fine.

From AlllenxWalker'sxEnemy:

**First question: Hey Orihime, does anyone, besides Matsumoto enjoy your  
cooking?? (Your brother doesn't count either)**

Orihime: Um… everyone else seems to think it's weird… But I like it!

**  
My second question: Does Hisana draw just like Rukia??**

Kira: Um… Could you answer this, Byakuya?

Byakuya: Actually, she did, then she taught me and I taught Rukia. Only Hisana didn't draw rabbits.

From bladescream:

**OH ulquiorra goes bye bye ahahah yay! i didnt get killed, i'm so  
happy...omgosh a zanpakutou? uh...oh... run away! hahaha just kidding, and  
this is really weird but your first chapter got replaced with your welcome  
chapter, but maybe its just me...ok on with the questions:**

Kira: The first chapter IS the welcome chapter. After all, the actual thing doesn't start until the next chapter.****

Matsumoto: how did you get to be the tenth division lieutenant?

Matsumoto: Hitsugaya chose me, obviously.****

Hitsugaya-(taicho, i dont want to you off at all...): did you pick her to  
be your lieutenant, and if she said that that was the way for her to be  
lieutenant in the previous question, then why? and if it was a different  
response then did you want her as lieutenant? (aie sorry sorry matsumoto)

Hitsugaya: I have finally gotten everyone to call me taichou… anyway. The question. Um… Yes, I picked her… Um… let's just say it was a certain amount of gratitude. After, she did help me become a shinigami…****

Gin: how big is your biggest smile?

Kira: Let's find out! Smile, Gin!

Ichimaru: -reeeeeally wide grin-

Kira: -pulls out ruler- Ok… um… 42.7 cm!

-everyone cheers-****

Urahara: who's your favorite shop worker?

Urahara: That would have to be Ururu. She's the quietest and least… demanding out of all of them.****

Kenpachi: how long have you gone without food/water just because you were  
fighting and didnt want to stop?

Kenpachi: About five hours perhaps? Most of my fights last a lot shorter though.**  
**

**ok done with questions, you rule kira smiles yay! cant wait for the full  
story to be revealed and for your arrancar arc special!! i know it'll be  
awesome!**

Kira: Well! The end of a really short chapter! I'll be taking a 2-3 week long vacation, then the special will be coming! Sayonara!

Uryuu: -push up glasses- I just realized we finally got through one chapter without any fights.

Kira: True… Bye now!


	7. Chapter 6

Kira: Welcome back all to the latest chapter of Ask The Seireitei

Kira: Welcome back all to the latest chapter of Ask The Seireitei! I apologize for my long absence –

Ichigo: Yeah, you could have at least told us so we didn't have to rush back from Las Noches.

Yachiru: Don't blame Kira-chan! Or I'll get Ken-chan to do something really baaad to you.

Kira: … ok. Let's continue. I –

-Door bursts open. An annoyed Hitsugaya walks in-

Kira: -sigh- Has everyone arrived? -does headcount- Well, this chapter is going to run as usual. Read till the end, though, the next chapter will be FUN.

Everyone else: -shiver- Uh…

Kira: Now for the questions! First up…

From AllenxWalker'sxEnemy:

**Have a nice vacation! And I can't wait for the special.  
I've just got one question:  
Mayuri, do you mind having Nemu wear such a short skirt?**

Kira: Mayuri, thankfully, isn't here. And I don't think I _want_ to invite him either… -glances sidelong at Uryuu- Oh, and the special has been postponed. Instead…

Yachiru: Read to the end of the chapter to find out!

From Satoshistar7:

**I'm sorry I don't mean to get personal, but what was your mother Uryuu like or Ryuken what was your wife like? By the way Uryuu, have you finally figure out what your father is protecting? Cause it is kind of obivious.**

Uryuu: -pushes up glasses- Uh… she was kind and a bit like Yoshino-san… and she was really self-sacrificing…

Ryuuken: She was a Quincy too. And no, I don't think he's figured _that_ out yet.

Uryuu: I hav- Oh… no.

Kira: Are you that short-sighted, Megane-kun?

Uryuu: Megane-kun??

Yachiru: I like it! Megane-chan!

Uryuu: -resigned glare- Right…

From bladescream:

**hoping for your special!! :D  
have fun on your vacation  
heres the questions  
lol**

gin- how long can you keep your eyes up so that you look normal with your eyes, (btw side note, wtf 42.7 cm?? isnt that like around 

Ichimaru: -still smiling- I don't like opening my eyes much, ya know, so I haven't tried.

Kira: I know it's hard to believe, but yes, 42.7 cm…****

ukitake- how long have you and shunsui been friends?

Ukitake: Oh, ever since we first met at the original Shinigami Academy… maybe a few thousand years ago? I've lost count already.****

renji- how long did it take you to get bankai? and how exactly did u get it?

Kira: That would be spoiling the story, wouldn't it?

Renji: I got it during the Soul Society arc, I'm not saying more.****

yachiru- which person give you the most candy?

Yachiru: Ken-chan, of course! -pulls out a packet of candy- He gave me this just now when I was bored! -Munches on candy-****

urahara- who supplies some of your merchandise? or do you make all of your products?

Urahara: All my products are handmade from raw supplies Tessai helps me ship in. Except souls and the like, those are… -whisper- I smuggle them out of Seireitei.****

ok thats it for now, update soon yadda yadda yadda, so yeah, hope u have fun on your vacation and all, two weeks have never felt so long...ahahah...

From fluffylover119:

**Byakuya: What career would you take in the human world if you weren't a shinigami?**

Byakuya: I have no idea. I don't even know what careers are available there.

**  
Renji: What's the worst thing that happenned to you?**

Renji: Being beaten by a ryoka who doesn't even know the name of his own zanpakuto.

Ichigo: It's _didn't_, I now know!****

Shiro-chan: Can I call you Shiro-chan? Even if you say no I'll  
do it anyway!  


Hitsugaya: NO.

Yachiru: Don't be mean, Shirou-chan!

Hitsugaya: -mutter- If Zaraki wasn't here…

**  
Ichigo: In a battle, did you ever trip and fall down at the stupidest time and way possible and people were watching? And if Yes, describe in detail!**

Ichigo: NO-

Kira: Yes! I was watching you fight a hollow the other time, and I saw you trip over a stone and fall and you even needed the Karakura Heroes to come and save you!

Ichigo: -backs away slowly- How did you know…?

From ilianabrpadfoot:

**HIHI KIRA-CHAN!**

As promised, I read the fic! WHOOHOO! GO RYUUKEN SAMA!  


Kira: Before anyone says anything, yes, you can be a host. I'll send you the next chapter when it's nearly done if you want. And STOP FANGIRLING OVER RYUUKEN.

**  
Questions:**

Uryuu:  
At what age did you run away? Were you AWARE that it was ILLEGAL?

Uryuu: Just after Ojii-san died. And I don't think it was illegal.****

Ryuuken sama:  
Do you have a car? OO

Ryuuken: No, but I have a license.****

Renji:  
Have you ever played tennis? You know, the game in which you bat a green ball around the court with a raquet?

Renji: Uh… yes.

Ichigo: You lost 25-0! Ha!

Renji: It was my first time playing!

Ichigo: You still lost 25-0!

Renji: Yeah, well, the glint from your hair nearly blinded me from the ball!

Ichigo: Sore loser. And your hair was worse than mine!

Renji: Was no-

Kira: _Enough. _­-glares at both-****

Ichigo:  
If I locked you and Uryuu together in a dark room, what do you think you would be doing together? )

Ichigo: What?!

Uryuu: What did you just say…?****

Hitsugaya:  
pokeslaughspokes againlaughs maniacally and runs away

Hitsugaya: -evil grin- Bakudou no ichi, Sai! You can stay there for the rest of the time.****

VIVI-CHAN I DEMAND THAT YOU ADD ISSHIN! AFTER ALL YOU ADDED RYUUKEN SAMA SO WHY NOT!

Kira: FINE. Now stop calling me that.

Yachiru: -still munching on candy- It's the end of the chapter! Now for the important announcements!

Kira: First of all! Next chapter is Bleach Truth Or Dare! Send in dares as well as truths for the characters, as many as you want! The more the better!

Yachiru: Sayonara then!


	8. Chapter 7: Happy birthday Renji!

A/N: This chapter is meant as a test for a different format; it failed. I'll be going back to the original format next chapter, gomen!

-

Kira: Here we all are again! Now, a surprise for everyone – in a few days, it'll be Renji's birthday, thus we'll be celebrating it today!

Renji: Wha-

Kira: Yup, we've got all the preparations ready! Now we just need our cake…

-Yachiru pops in-

Yachiru: Here! It's made of… strawberry!

Ichigo: What the-

Kira: Yup! Strawberry cream with chocolate icing and crushed cookie sprinkles! (Guess where the cookies came from…?) We'll be having the cake at the end of the chapter!

Yachiru: Kira-chan! Shouldn't the party start soon?

Kira: Of course! Every party has games, right? Well, at this party, we'll be playing truth or dare! The rules are really simple: guests have to choose either truth or dare, and then one will be randomly selected from those sent by reviewers. If there are none Yachiru and I get to think one up. Now… Renji, it's your party, so pick the first player!

Renji: Ha! Ichigo!

Ichigo: Dare…

Kira: Right! From sailor winx: say that Renji and Uryuu are better than you in every way!

Ichigo: Are no- oh, it's a dare. Uh… Uryuu and Renji are be…be…

Yachiru: Say it, Ichi-chan!

Ichigo: …better than me!

Kira: Yes! Next is… um… Rukia!

Rukia: Dare!

Kira: From AllenxWalker'sxEnemy: tell Byakuya that you and Ichigo are going to get married!

Rukia: …

Kira: Hurry up!

Rukia: Nii-sama… um… Ichigo and I are… um… getting… um… ma-married…

-Ichigo glances at Byakuya-

Byakuya: -flat glare at Ichigo- If you dare do anything, Kurosaki…

Kira: Now… Pick someone, Yachiru!

Yachiru: Megane-chan! It's your turn!

Uryuu: -pushes up glasses- Truth.

Kira: Let's see… from fluffylover119: why are you such a nerd?

Uryuu: I am? –pushes up glasses- I was influenced by Ryuuken, I guess… and there's not much else to do…

Kira: In that case, let's have Ryuuken next!

Ryuuken: -raises eyebrow- Dare…

Kira: From awapadfoot, who is joining us next chapter after I release the bakudou on her: hug Uryuu for one minute.

Ryuuken: NO.

Orihime: Come on, Ryuuken-san! Show your fatherly love for your son!

Ryuuken: -glares at still-bakudoued-on-floor awapadfoot- What were you thin-

-Yachiru pushes Ryuuken into Uryuu. Kira pushes Uryuu into Ryuuken. Orihime giggles-

Kira: Now just-

-Uryuu and Ryuuken jump apart-

Kira: That was, according to my stopwatch here, only 3 seconds. Forfeit!

Yachiru: The forfeit is… Ryuuken-chan! Jump around clucking like a chicken for one minute!

Ryuuken: Fine…

_One minute later…_

Kira: Oh, my eyes…

Uryuu: What… just… happened…?

Yachiru: Next up is Shirou-chan! Truth or dare?

Hitsugaya: Dare.

Kira: -evil grin- From Bunnylia: find out Matsumoto's bra size!

Hitsugaya: NO…

Kira: -reaches backstage and pulls out a sword- Are you sure, Shirou-kun…?

Hitsugaya: Ok, ok!

Kira: Go on then! –straps sword to back-

Hitsugaya: Matsumoto… come here a minute… -drags Matsumoto off stage-

_Five minutes later…_

-Hitsugaya and Matsumoto emerge on stage-

Hitsugaya: -blushing- She… doesn't… wear… one…

Kira: Ah. Well… Yachiru, would you like to play as well?

Yachiru: Yay! I choose the truth!

Kira: Well! From sailor winx: have you ever blackmailed someone to get candy?

Yachiru: I don't need to! Ken-chan gives me so much already! Now… Gin-chan!

Ichimaru: Dare.

Kira: Another one from sailor winx: Open your eyes till the end of the chapter!

Ichimaru: That's hard, ya know… -forces eyes open by 1 cm-

Kira: That's it! I need a picture of this…

Yachiru: Can we have cake now, Kira-chan?

Kira: I guess… due to time constraints here, this chapter will thus end…

Yachiru: Birthday song!

-music starts playing-

_Happy birthday to you_

_Happy birthday to you_

_Happy birthday to Renji…_

_Happy birthday from me_

Kira: Cake-cutting time!

-Renji cuts cake for everyone-

Kira: -mouth full of cake- We'll be taking dares as part of the regular chapters from now on! Oh and, before I forget… Shirou-kun, would you please release awapadfoot from the bakudou?

Hitsugaya: Fine… -gestures and bakudou is released-

Kira: That's all! Sayonara!


	9. Chapter 8: The victory celebration!

[Sorry for the slow update! Anyway, here it is! Chapter 8 of Ask The Seireitei, ze!]

Kira: And… it's back! An all new chapter of Ask The Seireitei is finally up! Ehehe… -looks sheepish- Anyway… moving on! Today is when we all celebrate the victory over Aizen! And –

Ichigo: I _don't_ think Aizen is defeated yet.

Kira: I know. That's why this story is now officially AU. Ne, Yachiru?

Yachiru: -pops in and lands on Byakuya's shoulder- Yay! Bya-kun, I'm hungry!

Byakuya: …

Kira: To celebrate, we're having a party, WITHOUT sake –

Matsumoto: WHAT???

Kira: -glares- … A party, but only after the reviews are answered! And we have new guests! Hiyori! Shinji!

-Hiyori and Shinji enter room/stage/whatever-

Kira: To welcome you, Shinji, you'll be reading the first review, ne?

Shinji: We don't even get a proper welcome? Th- OWWW!

Hiyori: -kicks Shinji with slippered foot- HURRY UP, IDIOT!

Shinji: I am! You don't have to- OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

Hiyori: -now hitting Shinji with slipper- I SAID HURRY UP, SO HURRY UP!!!!

Everyone else: -sigh- …

Ichigo: ENOUGH ALREADY! _I'll_ read the review!

From: Bunnylia:

**LAWL. Okay, moving on. Momo-chan, I dare you to tell Hitsugaya-taichou that you think Aizen-sama-sama is ten times hotter than him. Him referring to Hitsugaya-taichou. HEHEHEHEHEHEHE... -evil laughter for another ten minutes-**

Momo: Eh… eh… -blushes red- Tou-Toushirou… eh…

Hitsugaya: It's Hitsugaya-taichou!

Momo: Eh… eh… Ai-Aizen-taichou is… is…

Kira: -whispering evily- Come on!

Momo: Ten… ten times… ho… ho… ho…

Hitsugaya: Just say it.

Momo: Ho… hotter… than you… -shakes head frantically- Aizen-taichou… -starts crying-

Kira: -jumps up and hustles Momo offstage- Gomen, Shirou-chan! Have to avoid emo scenes here, ne?

Hitsugaya: -glares-

Kira: -grins evilly- Next!

From: awapadfoot (who was supposed to appear this round, but… well…)

**LOL!**

**So evil! But why did Ryuuken sama choose Dare? Poor him :) Hope he doesn't kill me...**

Ryuuken: -vein twitching- I might…

**AND****RYUUKEN****SAMA IS NOT A NERD**

**and did uryuu see ryuuken sama er... jump around clucking for one minute? Man, being bakudoed sure hurts.**

Hitsugaya: I could do a lot worse, you know.

Uryuu: Unfortunately, I did. –pushes up glasses-

**Just one dare this time :)**

**Uryuu, kiss orihime.**

Uryuu and Orihime: WHAT?!?!?!?!?

Orihime: But… Kurosaki-kun… -glances at Ichigo-

Uryuu: I-Inoue-san! –blushes while pushing up glasses-

Ichigo: Go on, Orihime.

Orihime: Hai… -approaches Uryuu- … Ishida-kun…

Uryuu: Eh… -backs away-

Kira: -pops up behind Uryuu- No, you don't!

Everyone else: That's fast…

Orihime: -approaching Uryuu- Gomen, Ishida-kun…

Uryuu: I-Inoue-san! Ah… Mmph! –makes strangled-sounding noise-

_[click]_

-everyone looks up-

Yachiru: -swinging from hanging rope- Yeah! I got it! –holds up camera. On screen is a picture of the kiss-

Uryuu: -blinks and moves away from Orihime- Wha… WHAT?

Kira: Hehe! Yachiru! –throws bag of candy-

Yachiru: YAY!

Hiyori: Hurry up! Next!

From: Satoshistar7

**I have a dare for Ryuken, but I think he is still a cold-hearted coward so I don't think he will do it. Still I will give it a shot. Ryuken I dare you to go up to Uryu dress as a quincy and say that you love him and that being a quincy is nothing to be ashamed of. When he reacts in surpise give him a hug**

**like you were suppose to in the last chapter. And no you cannot find me non assasinate me with your quincy arrows. (heh heh) Still if you wuss out you have to do a strip tease (that means not all the way!) as your forfit with music playing. Okay now I am moving to another location because I know I'd want to kill me if I had a forefit penalty like that. Endure the humiliation of being human toward your son or a stripper. The choice is yours.**

Kira: -blinks rapidly- Wow… That sounds… scary…

Ryuuken: -sigh- Why did I ever agree to come here…?

Yachiru: -still swinging from rope- Awwww! Come on, Ryuu-chan!

Shinji: -whispers- This is boring…

Hiyori: What did you say? –pulls slipper off foot-

Shinji: N-nothing.

Uryuu: Huh? –peers at review-

Kira: Not yet! –pushes Uryuu offstage- It's a surprise, Megane-kun!

Rukia: Fufufu…

Ryuuken: No. Way.

Kira: Heh. Are you sure…? –Kenpachi and Yachiru move next to her-

Ryuuken: -glares- Not again… I don't have a Quincy outfit with me.

Kira: I do! –rummages through closet- Here! –pushes Ryuuken backstage to change-

_A few minutes later…_

-Ryuuken comes back onstage-

Kira: Yes! –drags Uryuu onstage- Just stand here, Megane-kun!

Uryuu: -pushes up glasses- I wish you'd stop calling me that.

-Will of the Heart plays-

Ryuuken: Uryuu…

Uryuu: What? –turns to face Ryuuken-

Ryuuken: Uryuu, well… there's nothing shameful in being a Quincy, and…

Uryuu: Is there supposed to be?

Ryuuken: -glares backstage, then spots Zaraki- And… I love you as a son… so…

Uryuu: -stares increculously- Are you sure you don't have brain fever?

-Ryuuken hugs Uryuu, then quickly lets go-

Uryuu: Wha… wha…

Yachiru: Wohoo! I got it! I got it! –jumps up and down- Kira-chan, I got the entire thing! –waves camera-

Kira: Arigatou Yachiru! Oh wait, I think there's leftover cake from last chapter…

Everyone else: -thinking- _That's over a month old…_

Kira: -yanks out box- Here! I got Kisuke to preserve it!

Everyone else: -thinking- _That's even more unsafe…_

Rukia: Whatever. Next!

From Chocolate and caramel:

**Crying in laughter. Kyah, fangirl moments.**

**Ok, I don't know which format chap 8 is but (shrugs) 2 question please. 1. Orihime: currently I'm reading searching glimpses where you were pic as Ulquiorra's lover and Grimy-chan's sis after reincarnate as Ichigo Rukia's daughter. What do you think about it?**

Orihime: That- that's just stupid! Kurosaki-kun might have a daughter with Kuchiki-san, but Grimmjow isn't even a human! And Grimmjow and Ulquiorra are already dead—

Kira: -reaches offstage and drags a very annoyed Ulquiorra into room- Actually, he isn't.

Ichigo: -grabs Zangetsu- You—how…?

Kira: I managed to get him out before you collapsed Las Noches in your battle with Aizen.

Ichigo: I… I did that to kill him! –points at Ulquiorra-

Kira: You did? Oh well…

Momo: -reappears onstage- Aizen-taichou… Is he dead?

Ichigo: Uh, well…

Kira: -waves arm around- Well, he's probably somewhere in the real world—

Momo: Ai… zen… tai… chou… -starts crying again-

Kira: Eh… Ukitake! Take care of this, onegai! –pushes Momo and Ukitake offstage-

**2. Byakuya: kyah! I'm wondering when you were pic as the coolest taichou, we nver get to see your fanclub. Wat cha done to 'em?**

Byakuya: I have a fanclub?

Rukia: Yeah! The Shinigami Women Association wants Nii-sama to release a photo book! And Nii-sama was voted as the hottest captain for ten years straight! That's so cool!

Ichigo: Whaddya mean cool? That's probably because no one else was eligible.

Rukia: It was not!

Ichigo: And anyway, he's too high-and-mighty and way too—

Byakuya: Chire… Senbonzakura.

Ichigo: -jumps away- Oi!

Kira: How do you always manage to stray from the question…?

**Dare to both Ichi Rukia: make out in front of everyone for 5 mins. Quick someone cast a spell on Byakuya before he kills em. Rolf**

Kira: I'll take care of this! _Bakudou no ichi, Sai!_

-Byakuya falls to ground-

Byakuya: …

-Senbonzakura heads towards Ichigo-

Ichigo: Wha—Oh crap…

Kira: Oh no…

Yachiru: That's mean, Bya-kun! –shunpoes Ichigo away-

Kira: -quickly creates Kekkai around chocolate and caramel- Whew… I think… this dare is discontinued. Eh… next.

From cherryblossem391:

**LOL love it :D**

**Question for Yachiru: Have you asked every captain/vice captian in the Soul Society for candy? And which have you asked the most?**

Yachiru: Mm… I only ask Ken-chan and Bya-kun! Although Ukitake-kun gives me candy too! And Shirou-chan, I wonder where he gets his candy from… -assumes thoughtful pose-

Hitsugaya: Maybe if Ukitake would stop giving _me_ candy…

From Plumalchemyst:

**Kisuke: Do you know your my favorite character out of all bleach character hell I who always make the main character my fave and you beat Ichigo for number one fave XD**

Kisuke: -bows and waves fan- Of course I'm popular!

**Kenpachi: What would you think if i said i wanted to marry you**

Zaraki: You'd have to fight me and win first.

Kira: -whispers- Don't try that…

**if you allow Aizen here: Aizen do you think you can touch me (yells zampakto (sp?) name) ONI SHOUJO**

Kira: Unfortunately, Aizen was killed by Ichigo. So wass Tousen… I wonder how Gin-kun escaped? Oh well… -glances at zanpakutou name- Oni Shoujo? Female Demon/Devil?

Yachiru: I'll play tag with you! –shunpoes up and taps Plumalchemyst on shoulder- You're It! –shunpoes off-

**Gin: Do you know you look like a fox to me**

Kira: Due to paperwork complications, Gin-kun is still stuck in Seireitei while Soi Fon tries to determine his innocence… -whispers- Maybe I shouldn't keep so many captains here…

Matsumoto: Unohana told me he should be released soon!

**Kira the author: I got you this (hands over gift basket)**

Kira: Arigatou! -vanishes offstage for a moment-

**Uryuu: Do you know my mother was a quincy thus I'm a shinigami quincy hybrid**

Kira: -reappears onstage- YAY! -hugs-

Uryuu: -pushes up glasses- So there're still other Quincy families around?

Ukitake: -reappears onstage with a no-longer-crying Momo- Interesting. There haven't been any recorded Shinigami/Quincy hybrids for… close to three hundred years, I think.

Kira: -grins- That just shows how little Seireitei knows…

Uryuu: Thank goodness _that _shinigami isn't here.

**Ichigo: Hows it feel to lose being my number one fave to Kisuke Urahara XD**

Ichigo: Hmph… it doesn't really matter. -sulks in corner-

**Rukia: how old are you**

Rukia: Um… somewhere over a hundred? Most shinigami stop counting after some time…

**Rukia's bro: what would happen if my cousin a leagal priestsaid she married Ichigo and Rukia (holds up pic of Ichigo and Rukia dressed as a bride and groom)**

Byakuya: -vein twitches- Chire Senbonzakura Kageyoshi.

Rukia: Eep! -dives under nearby table-

Ichigo: Bankai! Tensa Zangetsu!

-Byakuya and Ichigo start fighting-

Kira: Um… -glances at chaos- Bakudou no ichi, Sai!

-Ichigo falls to floor. Senbonzakura heads after Ichigo-

Kisuke: Fear not, help is at hand! -waves cane and creates Senkaimon-

-Yoruichi steps out, shunpoes and reappears with Byakuya's kenseikan-

Byakuya: Yoruichi! -Senbonzakura heads toward her instead-

Ichigo: Whew… -ducks falling debris created by Senbonzakura-

Yoruichi: Ne ne, Byakuya-bou! -shunpoes and drags Byakuya into Senkaimon, which closes-

Kira: -glances around now damaged stage- Still usable, I think.

Rukia: -crawls out from under table- Those pictures are fake, by the way.

**Renji: Would you ever protect Ichigo from your captains wrath XD**

Renji: Only if it didn't involve Rukia or Seireitei.

Ichigo: Do you realise that will likely be why he's attacking me in the first place?!

**Uryuu's dad: Do you know shinigami like apples (Sorry I couldn't help but put that XD and my sister threaten to beat me with a dead beaver if i didn't)**

Rukia: They do not!

Kira: Shinigami… like… apples… -starts laughing helplessly-

Ryuuken: ???

Kira: -still laughing, holds up stack of paper-

Uryuu:** -**reading aloud**- **_We decided that maybe Yamamoto wasn't so mad after all, but he suddenly picked up a red apple, and swallowing it whole, he grinned and said, Shinigami Love Apples._

_Everyone stared… _What the hell is this?!

Kira: Whoops, wrong one. -hands over Death Note volume instead-

_Five minutes later…_

Kisuke: I officially disassociate myself with any form of shinigami found in any manga or anime, Bleach disincluded.

Ichigo: For once, I agree.

**Orihime: Why on earth do you like Ichigo I didn't see his butt fighting Mayuri to protect you from being dissected face it you and Uryuu are meant to be (is wearing proud Ishime shipper hat)**

Orihime: But Kurosaki-kun's… he… -glances at Ichigo-

Uryuu: -blushes- That's not true! I was fighting Kurotsuchi because of the Quincies, not for Inoue-san!

Ichigo: You like her, just admit it.

Uryuu: -still blushing- You like Kuchiki-san too!

Ichigo: I do not!

Rukia: -punches Ichigo- There's no way I'd like this idiot!

Ichigo: No one asked your opinion!

Kira: Forget it… next.

**for Uryuu ichigo and Renji: What do you think of these pics fangirls drew XD (hands the three Yaoi pics from)**

Everyone: O.o

Uryuu: -pushes up glasses- Why am I always pictured with _him_? -points at Ichigo-

Ichigo: Well, _I'm_ pictured with both of you, so stop complaining!

Renji: Ew. Ew ew ew ew. Fangirls are _scary_.

Kira: Oh, that reminds me! -drags Yoruichi and Byakuya back onstage- Byakuya, for your constantly attacking Ichigo this chapter, you shall be subject to the Ultimate Punishment of DOOM!

Byakuya: …

Kira: -evil grin- Now just stand there… right, just there… I suggest that everyone else move back.

-everyone forms a large circle around Byakuya-

Kira: Right! Kisuke!

Kisuke: -also grinning evilly- Bakudou… roku… ko… te… -mumbling-

-metal bars form around Byakuya-

Kira: And… -pulls open a portal- The Ultimate Punishment of DOOM! Being locked in a cage with hundreds of rabid fangirls/fanboys for ten minutes! -hits button on stopwatch-

-shrieking fangirls pour out of portal and surround Byakuya-

Everyone else: O.o

_Ten minutes later…_

Kira: 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… 0.

-fangirls vanish back into portal, cage around Byakuya dissolves-

Byakuya: -is lying smoking on floor-

Kira: Um… Yoruichi, could you bring him to Unohana-taichou…?

-Yoruichi picks up Byakuya and vanishes-

Kira: And that's all for this chapter… I think…

Ichigo: And why the hell did you make this fic AU?

Kira: Because Kubo-sensei was taking way too long with the manga! –grins- Which means…

Everyone else: O.o

Kira: Well then… Hiyori, Shinji, Yoruichi and Ulquiorra will be staying! And if I manage to get clearance from Yamamoto-soutaichou, Gin-kun can return!

Yachiru: You forgot Henjin-taichou!

_(henjin = freak)_

Kira: Oh yes! Kurotsuchi will be here too – Uh oh…

Uryuu: -glares-

Kira: -dodges arrows- I don't mean in person! Kisuke set up a live video feed to and from Kurotsuchi's room—! -dodges arrows-

Matsumoto: It's party time! Sake, anyone?

Hitsugaya: -snatches sake- There are underage people here, Matsumoto!

Rukia: -glances at chaos- This chapter end here, so… -ducks as arrow flies over head- Ishida!

Kira: _Atsumeru, Tsumetai Kage!_

_[boom]_

Disembodied Voice: It looks like the sake exploded.

Other Disembodied Voice: Ishida, did _you_ shoot the sake?

Yet Another Disembodied Voice: No! Maybe it's that zanpakutou—Argh!

Other Disembodied Voice: Ishida!

Yet Another Disembodied Voice: I'm not shooting, I'm being shot at!

Other Disembodied Voice: Then why are arrows still flying everywhere?!

Yachiru: -steps out of smoke- Sayonara, minna-chan!

-curtains come down, muffling the yells-

A/N: I apologise for the long delay in uploading this. You see, it was done a long time ago, but what with one thing and the other, it was eventually chucked into a virtual corner and forgotten about… anyway, I'll be going back to updating this regularly… hopefully, ze!


	10. Chapter 9

Kira: Back again! With chapter… 9 of Ask The Seireitei! Yay!

Yachiru: Yeah! And Henjin-taichou's here too!

Uryuu: -glares-

-video screen crackles-

Disembodied voice: Testing, testing, one, two, three…

-Mayuri pops up on screen-

Yachiru: Alright! It works!

Kira: Good! However, the Gotei 13 aren't here yet… Kisuke?

Kisuke: -grins- Sure! –Senkaimon opens and he steps in. Senkaimon closes-

Kira: -checks watch- Hurry up…

-Senkaimon opens again, guests from Seireitei step out-

Kira: Did Yamamoto-soutaichou let Gin-kun come?

Gin: Yup!

Yachiru: Yeah! Let's get to the reviews!

From: twilightlvr5:

**Rukia-Do you like Ichigo? and be truthful.**

Rukia: -blushes- N-no way!

Kisuke: Aw, admit it already…

Ichigo: -puts hand on Zangetsu's hilt-

Uryuu: -sigh- You never change, do you, Kurosaki?

**Byakuya-Do you think Hisana will every be rincarnated?**

Byakuya: She has. I've met her reincarnation.

Rukia: You… you mean onee-sama is alive?

Kira: Hmmm, maybe I should bring her here…

**This is an awesome fic by the way**

Kira: Arigatou! Continue reviewing!

From Arrancar-Baka:

**'Ello! I really love this Fic. It's highly amusing. 'Nyways..I have a couple**

**of questions**

**Ichimaru-senpai: What do you think about this?: 'Tite Kubo remarked in a 2004**

**Shonen Jump character commentary that Gin's popularity, especially among**

**women, was a great surprise to him, as he had attempted to make Gin creepy and**

**offputting in appearance.' -Wikipedia XD (You are my fav!)**

Gin: I dunno… I don't try ta attract women, but they like the smile, don'cha think?

**Hitsugaya-taichou: When I talk to my friends, I sometimes have to refer to**

**you as 'Shorty' or 'Shiro-chan' just so they know who I'm talking**

**about...would you like me to smack some sense into them? :3**

Hitsugaya: -vein twitches- Please do…

Ichigo: It's cold. -shivers-

**Everyone: Do you guys celebrate andy specific holidays? Like Christmas or St.**

**Patricks day? (Just wonderin' since St. Patty's day is comin up)**

Ukitake: Not really, but we may start celebrating Aizen's death anniversary.

**I guess I'm done! Thanks for writing this Kira-san! I am no longer dying of**

**absolute boredom.**

Kira: -bows- Hai! Arigatou gozaimasu! And control your temper, Shirou-kun, it's freezing.

Hitsugaya: -vein twitches further-

From twilightlvr5 _(second set)_:

**Hitsugaya Taicho-It seems that momo will love aizen forever so will you go**

**for someone else say... a certain Karin Kurosaki? She already knows your a**

**shinigami and all and she likes you.**

Ichigo: Wait, my sister likes this shorty here?

Hitsugaya: -teeth clenched- Kurosaki…

Yachiru: Answer the question, Shirou-chan!

Hitsugaya: I… don't like Karin.

**Kyouraku Taicho-Has Nano ever once returned your feelings?**

Shunsui: Nah, but I know she likes me at heart!

Nanao: -pops up on video screen- What was that, taichou…?

Shunsui: No-nothing!

From l1nk1n-p4rk-4-3v3r:

**lol hilarius!**

**questions:**

**1: Hitsugaya Taicho, why don't you like ncknames? or candy?**

Hitsugaya: Because nicknames are annoying. And I don't dislike candy, I dislike too much candy.

Kira: But Shirou-kun sounds cute! And are you sure you just don't want to appear childish…?

Yachiru: Ne, Shirou-chan, can I have your unwanted candy?

Kira: -holds out paper bag-

**2:Hitsugaya Taicho, I dare you to kiss Hinamori Fukutaicho for 5 minutes! and**

**if you forfeit... you have to let people call you whatever they want for the**

**next 2 chapters plus the rest of this one.**

Hitsugaya: -blush- WHAT?

Kira: You read the question, Shirou-kun!

Momo: -also blushing- But… but… Aizen-taichou… -starts sniffling-

Hitsugaya: Mo… Momo… -goes closer- Uh…

Momo: -looks up- Shirou-chan?

Hitsugaya: -looks away in frustration- I can't do this!

Kisuke: Then you forfeit, don't you?

Hitsugaya: … Yes…

**3: Hitsugaya Taicho, how did it feel to kiss your crush? and if you**

**forfeited, what do you really not want to be called?**

Hitsugaya: I'd rather not be called anything. But since you asked… -glares- Just don't call me shorty.

Yachiru: Shorty-chan!

Hitsugaya: -hands shivering- Must… resist…

**4: Zaraki Taicho, my bro says im crazy for this but... if i insulted your**

**fighting skills, would you fight me? If yes, you're a wuss! Lol**

Kenpachi: Of course! Want to come here and have a match? -starts releasing reiatsu-

Ichigo: H-hey! I'll fight you, but don't start threatening innocents!

Kira: I have already spent more than 20,000 yen repairing this stage, and I _don't_ want it damaged further. -glares and Ichigo and Zaraki-

Ichigo: H-hai… -puts Zangetsu away-

Zaraki: Che. Hurry up then.

From ReadR:

**Yachiru: would you like to have a boyfriend?**

Yachiru: Ummm…. I think Ken-chan would mind if I did, right?

**Ikkaku and Yumichika : What's relationship between you two? (My friend made**

**yaoi about you 2?)**

Kira: I don't remember adding those two as guests… Never mind! -turns to face screen- Ikkaku-san! Yumichika-san!

Ikkaku and Yumichika: -appear onscreen- Yeah?

Kira: -shoves question at them-

Ikkaku and Yumichika: -read question, then look at each other-

Ikkaku: We're just friends!

Yumichika: Yeah, yaoi isn't beautiful! It's…

-screen starts displaying static-

Yumichika: …. Ganjuu! What ar…

-static fizzes-

Ikkaku: Is there…

-screen blanks out-

Kira: -whacks screen- It's supposed to be the latest model!

-nothing happens-

Kira: Argh…

Kisuke: I'll be taking this for repairs after the chapter.

**Hitsugaya-taichou: Is it true you're only about 133cm?? Man..I'm glad to**

**found there's someone else shorter than me...**

Hitsugaya: What… did… you… say?

**(Runs)**

Kira: Hey, it's fine. He forfeited, ne, Shorty-kun?

Hitsugaya: -glares-

Kira: Control your temper, Shirou-kun!

Hitsugaya: Urgh… must resist…

From lolita-ishida:

**I AM ISHIDA'S DISTANT COUSIN XD**

Uryuu: I have cousins? Are you a Quincy too?

**I dare all the girls to sing Love story by tailor swsift**

Kira: -blinks-

Rukia: What's that?

Ichigo: It's a song.

Momo: A song?

Kira: Never mind…

From Plumalchemyst:

Kira: This review is long…

**Orihime: FACE IT ICHIGO LOVES RUKIA EVEN IF HE SAYS HE DOESN'T**

Ichigo: I-I do not!

Kira: See, you're just confirming the review…

Ichigo: -glares at Kira- Oi!

Orihime: -looks away- I- I just want Kurosaki-kun to- to be happy…

**Rukia: YOU LIE YOU LOVE HIM**

Rukia: I do not!

Kira: Oh really…? –grins at Kisuke-

Kisuke: -grins back- I know, I know!

Rukia: What are you planning…?

**Ichigo Renji and Uryuu: OMG THAT WAS PRICELESS THOSE PICS WERE WORTH THE 3 MILLION YEN I SPENT XD**

Kira: 3 million yen? Were they hand drawn by Kubo-sensei?

Ichigo: Destroy. Those. Now.

Yachiru: I have copies, Ichi-chan! –waves pictures-

Renji: This had better not spread.

Yachiru: But it'll be fun!

Renji: -glare- Next.

**Kisuke: can I get help the soul candy I used ran off with my body and is firing arrows at everything**

Kisuke: Hmmm, this is unusual. Most likely you got a defective soul candy –

Ichigo: So THAT'S where Kon went!

Everyone else: Huh?

Rukia: Kon went missing a few days ago, and we never found him.

Kisuke: If that's the case, then… excuse me… -creates Senkaimon and goes through it-

Kira: Look like he went back to Urahara Shouten. You'll be getting your body back soon!

**Uryuu: Of course just go to there are quincy everywhere mostly girls**

Uryuu: Really? –pushes up glasses-

Kira: But you still prefer to be with Orihime, don't you…?

Uryuu: -blush- No!

Ryuuken: Uryuu, there are still a few Quincy families remaining. They have just been hiding from the Gotei 13.

Kira: Uh-huh! Like the Akashiya clan! –glances at surrounding shinigami- Oops, did I just say that aloud?

Ukitake: Don't worry, we'll pretend we never heard.

**Kira; He's dead dang I wanted to stab him with Oni Shoujo (yes her name is oni shoujo and she looks like a female demon)**

Kira: Interesting… Can I have a match with you someday? I'm sure Kageijin will love it.

Yachiru: Kageijin is Kira-chan's zanpakutou!

Uryuu: -pushes up glasses- Wasn't it Tsumetai Kage?

Kira: You know Fuji Kujaku? Yumichika-san's zanpakutou? Kageijin's like that too!

**Gin: When ever you get this message don't play can you feel the sunshine or the tails doll will get you XD**

Gin: Nah, I don't do that!

**Mayuri: Come near me and I'll cut you (assuming he knows I am a shinigami/Quincy hybrid)**

Mayuri: -pops up on screen- Now I do. And you don't stand a chance against me.

Uryuu: Then I'll join in.

Kenpachi: Against Kurotsuchi? I'm on.

**Kenpachi: I'll fight you I love a good fight (has Oni Shoujo raised)**

Zaraki: Sure! –raises his zanpakutou-

Kira: -pulls out sword-

Zaraki: -lowers zanpakutou reluctantly- Fine…

**Whitey chan: Do you know Ed from FMA you are both short XD**

Kira: You have the same seiyuu too!

Hitsugaya: Yeah, we're friends. And don't… call me… short…! Ban–

Yachiru: Remember the forfeit, Shirou-chan?

Hitsugaya: -grumble- I'm leaving! -walks offstage-

**Momo: why do you still love Aizen he frecking stabbed you**

Momo: Because… because he's Aizen-taichou… -starts crying-

Kira: -headpalm- Not again… Shirou-kun's backstage! -pushes Momo offstage-

**Karin Yuzu: Whats it like being little sisters to a shinigami**

Kira: Unfortunately, they're not here.

Ichigo: I'm not letting you bring them here either!

Kira: Relax, I won't.

**Ichigo's dad: STOP ATTACKING ICHIGO DAMN IT I WANT TO CUT YOU EVERY TIME YOU DO**

Isshin: But I'm training him in Hakuda! Like thi—

Ichigo: -blocks Isshin's flying kick- Yeah, yeah.

Isshin: -pinned under Ichigo's foot- I taught… you well, Ichigo…

**Uryuu's dad: YOUR SO COLD WISE MEN WONDER WHILE STRONG MEN DIE TELL ME HOW TO END THIS ALL RIGHT NOW**

Ryuuken: Huh?

Kira: Um, I can't quite make sense of that statement either.

**Yachiru: Don't like tag do like red rover as it allows me to hurt people while wramming them (drops candy)**

Yachiru: Ooh! Candy! -starts eating it- And you're still It!

**Byakuya: I was joking she may be legal but she never marry anyone if the bride or groom could be killed**

Byakuya: So my sister isn't married to Kurosaki after all?

Ichigo: Hell, no!

Rukia: I apologise for causing you distress, Nii-sama…

**Renji: My cousin Rena wants to marry you XD (lets cousin loose on Renji)**

Renji: Argh! -bats Rena away-

Rena: Renji-kun! -glomps-

Renji: Get off me – Argh –

Kira: -shoves both people offstage- You can go see the one who married Rukia and Ichigo!

-Senbonzakura flies at Kira-

Kira: Heh. -holds out hand-

-Senbonzakura is deflected-

Everyone else: O.o

Zaraki: Che, come see if that affects me—

Kira: -glares-

Zaraki: … maybe later.

**all shinigami: Hey come on my sister threaten death by beating from a dead beaver I never ask that otherwise**

Ichigo: Whatever…

Rukia: It was amusing though.

**Ulqui chan: Do you really like Orihime**

Ulquiorra: … No.

**Grimmjow: YOUR MY FAVORITE AND AM GLAD YOU KILLED THAT DRAG QUEEN LUPI ONCE YOU HAD YOUR ARM BACK ** BASTARD LOOK LIKE A GIRL**

Kira: Erm, I think Grimmjow was in Las Noches when it collapsed.

**Neil nee chan: did you escape from Las Noches I hope so or I be sad**

Kira: Nel…? I… don't know…

Ichigo: Yeah, she came out with us. -jerks thumb at backstage-

-Nel jumps onstage-

Nel: Itsugo! You won! -hugs Ichigo-

**and thats it bye (vanishes)**

Kira: Say hi to Oni Shoujo from Kageijin!

From Satoshistar7:

**To Ryuken: You have proven me wrong. You are not a heartless coward. That is why I will test your endurance to my akward dares furthur. I dare you and Uryuu (sorry Uryu) to get together and wear in shinigami robes and visit Ichigo and his dad. You are both to ask them to teach you how to kill hollows shinigami style. When they ask why you have to say that the shinigami are better than you quincies. (And no you cannot use your prides as a quincy to get out of this, though I do like quincies better. Truly I like the quincies better, but I just wanna torment Ryuken for neglecting his son all that time so I figure it be a little bonding time with father and son.)**

Kira: This sounds interesting…

Uryuu: -glares at Satoshistar7-

Ryuuken: Kira-san, I will be leaving this fic after this chapter.

Yachiru: That's mean, Ryuu-chan!

Ryuuken: …

Kira: Come on! Do the dare!

Kisuke: -holds out shinigami robes-

Yachiru: -starts swinging from rope, holds camera-

Ryuuken: No.

Kira: Aw, come on…

Uryuu: No way!

Kira: But—

Uryuu: -Quincy Death Glare-

Kira: Ha-hai…

**To Byakuya: I assure you I am straight, but that does not mean I do mind a little... creativity. I dare you to dress in drag (holds up a gorgeous pink kimono with white sakura blossoms and a lip stick tube towards him)and do a romantic waltz with Kisuke Urahara. Also say to ichigo that you will be happy to be his sister in law after he marries your sister Rukia. **

**To Urahara: you have to dress as a proper tango dancer( holds up a dark green silk shirt with a pair of black trousures to match his eyes.**

Byakuya: …

Renji: You're going to crossdress, taichou?!

Byakuya: Renji…

Kira: It's a dare, Byakuya!

Byakuya: -snatches kimono and goes offstage to change-

_A few minutes later…_

-Byakuya emerges onstage-

Everyone else: O.o

Kira: Oook. Now…

Ichigo: I think Urahara's still looking for Kon.

Kira: -sigh- Ichigo, go get him. -opens Senkaimon-

Ichigo: -glares and enters Senkaimon-

_Five minutes later…_

Kira: Did he get lost?

Rukia: … you didn't give him a hell butterfly, did you?

Kira: … Oh…

-Kisuke comes out of Senkaimon, followed by a very annoyed and battered Ichigo-

Kisuke: -already dressed as dancer- Here we are!

Ichigo: -glares- Next time please remember the hell butterfly.

Kira: Come on, the dare!

Byakuya: …

Kisuke: Sure, Byakuya-san!

-Byakuya and Kisuke dance-

Byakuya: Now, I am going to get this off.

[click]

Yachiru: -holds up camera- Gotcha, Bya-kun!

Kira: And the dare isn't over! You can pick to either complete the dare or forfeit, which means keeping the kimono on for the next three chapters!

Byakuya: -glares- I still pick to forfeit.

Yachiru: Bya-kun… that's no fun!

**To Orihime: Please for the love of god, give Uryu a chance and go on a proper date with him. Go to a movie, resteraunt I don't care which and get to know each other. I will leave the decision up to you both if you want to end your evening with a kiss. Give Uryuu a chance by getting to know him ok? He really is a good guy. :)**

Orihime: Can I do it after the chapter?

Kira: Sure! We'll just show footage of it next time.

**To Everyone else: Enjoy the show of these dares.**

Rukia: -laughing helplessly- We did… -glance at Byakuya- I mean...

**( Hides in another secure location where neither quincy nor shinigami can**

**find and extract vengance on her.)**

Uryuu: I will hunt you down someday.

Kira: And that concludes chapter 9! As usual, there are announcements—

Yachiru: Yay! Next chapter is the fight round!

Kira: Uh-huh. For next chapter, we'll be doing character vs character matches. Any characters allowed! You can even enter yourself!

Yachiru: I wanna see Ken-chan fight Ichi-chan again!

Ichigo: -sidles slowly away-

Kira: Oh no, you don't! Bakudou no ichi, Sai!

Ichigo: Crap…

Yachiru: Bya-kun, you'll have to fight in a kimono too!

Byakuya: …

Kira: Our video screen will be undergoing repair by Kisuke, so for the next few chapters, we will be inviting the entire Bleach cast over! -glances around- I guess we'll have to switch locations then…

Yachiru: Yeah! Sayonara, minna!

A/N: Wow. Seven reviews in one day. And I thought no one was going to read the previous chapter, after the long hiatus. This is one of the most fun things I have written in a long time. I'd forgotten how much laughter came out of it… On a side note, can anyone here draw fanart? I just realised that some of the dares make for really good pictures… (imagines Byakuya in printed kimono)


	11. Chapter 10: The VS Chapter

Kon: Annnd… ACTION! Welcome to the first episode of Kon-sama's very own section – the Kon-sama Ask The Seireitei Fiesta! Applause, please! –strikes pose-

Ichigo: Kon! What are you doing here?!

Kon: Kira-san very kindly relinquished control of the show to me temporarily, as a new crisis seems to have surfaced in Seireitei. However, as they say, the show must go on! So! We appear to be in Hueco Mundo…

-everyone looks around-

Rukia: What?!

Yachiru: Kira-chan did say the show would be moved temporarily to accommodate more guests! Which means, the entire Seireitei, and more, is now on this show – temporarily!

Kon: Anyway, it's time for the reviews! Good luck, people!

From Satoshistar7:

**To Ryuken: I challenge you...even though I know you wanna hurt me for my** **dares I will fight you to stay on this fanfic! YOU NEED TO THAW THAT ICICLE** **WHICH IS PERMANANTLY STUCK UP YOUR...do I really need to clarify the end of** **this statement? If I win, you have to eat Orihime's cooking with your son (** **another chance to bond) and dress as a shimigami for the next three chapters.** **I challenge you to a chocolate pudding eating contest. I won this contest once** **and I got sick, but I will go throught it again if that's what it takes tobeat you and to remain on this fic!** **(Holds out two spoons and sets out two big tubs of chocolate pudding.)**

Ryuuken: -sigh- I really don't know why I'm here, but… fine.

Kon: And… START!

-Satoshistar7 shovels pudding into mouth-

Ryuuken: -tastes pudding- Yuck. Who made this?

Orihime: I did! I added pepper, thyme, salt and other spices to make it tastier! Don't you like it?

Ryuuken: … No.

-Satoshistar7 finishes pudding and looks pleased-

Kon: Annnd… the winner is obvious! Now, Ryuuken-san, you have to go and change into those!

-Yachiru waves shinigami robes-

Ryuuken: -sigh- I'm leaving for the rest of the chapter. -walks offstage-

**To Orihime: Tell me how the Date went. ;)**

Orihime: Um… it actually went well! I wanted to invite Ishida-kun over for dinner, but he suggested we go to a restaurant instead. Then we just… chatted, about school and life and Seireitei… I had to go home after that, so we couldn't do anything else.

Kon: So! The big question… -leans in close- Did you kiss—argh! -dodges arrow-

Uryuu: -glaring- No.

Kon: Okay, next, next…

**To Uryu alone: Catch me if you can. ( smirk) You think you can hunt me down?** **I think not my dear quincy. But don't worry, I won't mind if you do. I 'm** **hoping that someday you and Ryuken both get mad at me so much so that you are** **both willing to work together to get me. (grin) Tag! Your it! (runs swiftly** **away with shunpo) That is my challege to you.**

**P.S. You are my fav. character, but seriously you need to get a love life**!

Uryuu: I'll chase you after the chapter. And I'm leaving Ryuuken out of this.

Orihime: I told you before, Ishida-kun, it's rude to call your father that way…

From ReadR:

**I really wanna see byakuya dancing.. haha. Here's single question : Urahara-san, are you straight? ^_^**

Rukia: Urahara's not here, I think he was called to Seireitei… -looks around-

Kon: Oh yeah, he is. You should have seen what he and Yoruichi were doing at Urahara Shouten—

Hiyori: -chucks slipper at Kon- This fic is supposed to be T-rated, idiot!

Kon: Uh, yeah... -whispers- She's scary!

Hiyori: WHAT???

Kon: No-nothing!

From Plumalchemyst:

**Okay I want to fight Kenpachi and I want the captain that coughs alot to**

**fight Zoro from one piece XD**

Kon: Sure! First match of the chapter – Plumalchemyst versus Zaraki! Fight!

_Round 1 – __Plumalchemyst__ VS Zaraki_ _Kenpachi_

_Zaraki draws his zanpakutou and jumps away from __Plumalchemyst__'s initial attack._ _With a single shunpo, he is behind the reviewer already. His downwards slash is blocked easily, but he merely grins. Another shunpo, and __Plumalchemyst__ tumbles, rolling and getting up again. Zaraki, however, places his blade to our poor reviewer's neck, with a feral grin._

_"Che. I win."_

Kon: And so, the winner is Zaraki!

-Zaraki sheathes his zanpakuto and scowls-

Yachiru: But no one here watches One Piece…

**and I dare all girls to fight over Uryuu**

Uryuu: _No._

Kon: But it's the—

Yachiru: Kon-chan, be nice!

Kon: Okay…

From NorthernShinigami:

**hitsugaya: ADMITT IT! your small. how did you beat huge dragon like**

**hyorinmaru?, i mean, with kido or kong-fu or karate? did it break your**

**lags?:D**

Hitsugaya: I AM NOT… -clenches fist- I hate that forfeit… If you really must know, I dodged, dodged some more and poked it in the eye, alright?

**gin and hitsugaya: do you plan to end this battle of your? if yes, i wonna**

**make a bet. who do you think will win?**

**and someone, please tie matsumoto, i dont want interaption this time!**

Yachiru: Why don't we find out now! Let's have another fight!

_Round 2 – Hitsugaya_ _Toushirou VS Ichimaru Gin_

_Gin smiles his trademark smile as Hitsugaya glares, hand on Hyourinmaru's hilt. Hitsugaya performs a shunpo, placing him directly behind Gin, Hyourinmaru going straight for Gin's neck. Gin steps aside neatly, evading Hitsugaya's backhand slash with ease._

_"Ikorose… Shinsou."_

_Shinsou extends, Hitsugaya barely dodging. It grazes his fingers, though, staining Hyourinmaru's hilt with blood._

_"Soten ni saze, Hyourinmaru!"_

_The dragon rears its head, sending a stream of ice directly at Gin. The ice settles, but Gin is nowhere to be found. Hitsugaya begins to turn, and is instantly attacked, barely managing to materialize an icy shield in time. Hyourinmaru chooses that moment to envelop Gin in a crystalline ice prison. Hitsugaya steps back, confident of winning._

_Cracks form in the ice, then lengthen, shattering the prison into thousands of tiny shards. Gin steps out, the flicker of a Cero still on his finger. Shinsou extends again, catching the stunned Hitsugaya off guard. Blood flows from the gash in Hitsugaya's stomach, as he raises Hyourinmaru._

_"Ban… kai… Daiguren_ _Hyourinmaru!"_

_The ice dragon forms around Hitsugaya, sealing and numbing his wound._

_Gin opens his mouth, the call of his bankai lost in the flurry of reiatsu that causes our poor reviewer to nearly faint. The other shinigami have a hard time standing, even as the dragon rears it's head, ready to swoop—_

_"Nake, Benihime."_

Kisuke: -grins and steps out of portal- Whew! That was close!

Gin and Hitsugaya: -glare-

Kira: -jumps out of portal- Yup! We're back! Hang on… -looks around- … KON!

Kon: Eep! –tries to run-

Kira: -picks up Kon and glares- And would you care to explain why this show has now been messed up?

Kon: -runs off-

Kira: -looks around and sighs- Well, I guess I'll just continue…

From NorthernShinigami: (2nd set)

**gin- white skin,silver(bright) .eyes closed-can see.**

**tosen-black skin,brown(dark) hair. open(could be seeing through his glasis)-BLIND.**

**aizen:..did you pick theme yourself? seriously-total opposite!**

Kira: Um, Aizen isn't here… -glances at Momo-

**yumichka and ikkaku: did you already made love?**

Ikkaku: What?!

Yumichika: Never! He's not pretty enough!

Kira: -grins- Are you saying that if Ikkaku was prettier…?

Ikkaku and Yumichika: NO WAY!

From Eula Marie:

**um, hello. I think this fic rocks -screams in library- seriously, its pure**

**genius. well i was wondering if Shunsui is on the list of askable characters.**

**He's in my top 3 fav people in bleach. So i'd like to ask him: Are you**

**activeley pursuing Nanao for real, and if so, did she reject you, or do you**

**guys keep your relationship secret? Oh, and where'd you get your haori? its**

**completely awesome.**

Shunsui: Well, since such a lovely person like you requested, I am here to answer!

Nanao: -hits with book- No, he is not… _pursuing…_ me.

Shunsui: How can you say that, Nanao-chan? I'm hurt!

Nanao: -sigh-

Shunsui: The haori, though… my dear Lisa-chan gave it to me!

Nanao: -hits again-

From StardustQueen:

**This might be put on later but...**

**Hitusgaya-taicho *resists urge to call by nickname* I am a VERY BIG FAN OF**

**YOURS! LOVE YOU SO MUCH! What's it like having a huge fanclub and have you**

**gotten your first kiss yet? *looks hopeful***

Hitsugaya: No. I don't plan to either.

Rangiku: But taichou! Don't you like Momo?

Hitsugaya: -vein twitches- Matsumoto…

**BTW, luv this fanfic. Absolutely hilarious. (Did I mention I love Shiro-chan,**

**I mean, Hitsugaya-taicho?)**

Hitsugaya: Must… not attack… Must… resist…

From l1nk1n-p4rk-4-3v3r:

**XDXDXD rotflol aw shorty-kun, why did you forfeit my dare?**

Hitsugaya: That's it… -vein continues twitching- I'm leaving.

-Hitsugaya stalks away-

**o well...**

**fight requests:**

**1 me vs. Zaraki(my zanpaku-to is yukishiro-snow white-and is frost type)[yes**

**I am crazy lol] **

Zaraki: Another challenger? Sure!

_Round 3 – Zaraki_ _Kenpachi VS_ _l1nk1n-p4rk-4-3v3r_

_Zaraki raises his zanpakuto as he prepares to face off with yet another poor soul… human, actually. He moves instantly, the edge of his blade pushing back the other with sheer force._

_Of course, this reviewer isn't going down as easily as the first one (sorry __Plumalchemyst__) and instantly calls out her shikai, snowflakes whirling around her as Zaraki is forced back. A spear of ice flies at Zaraki, only to get cut apart, then another, a cloud of lethal missiles following. Most are cut apart, the others dodged. The ice that rises from the ground to curl around his legs are shattered instantly as he moves, throwing himself through yet another cloud of lethal missiles with barely a scratch, and slashes his zanpakutou diagonally downwards._

_It is blocked, though, and as the mist and vapour clear everyone can see the sheet of ice his zanpakutou is embedded in. It takes little effort to break it and pull his sword free, and Zaraki shunpoes, slashing from all directions till the reviewer is careless. The ice fails to halt Zaraki's zanpakutou, which comes to a rest just touching the reviewer's neck._

_"I win again."_

Yachiru: Yay! Ken-chan won!

Zaraki: Che. The only one I want to fight is you, Ichigo!

Ichigo: Eh… -backs away slowly-

**2 Kuchiki-Taicho vs. Ichigo [you can go all out-pretend Rukia is the**

**prize!xD]**

Byakuya: If I win, Kurosaki, you are forbidden to go anywhere near my sister.

Ichigo: Only if you win.

Yachiru: Bya-kun, you're still in a kimono, remember?

_Round 4 – Kuchiki_ _Byakuya VS Kurosaki_ _Ichigo_

_Byakuya glares at an equally defiant Ichigo across the large expanse, the shinigami on either side giving both a wide berth. Senbonzakura is drawn, as is Zangetsu._

Kira: Wait! One more rule – use of Bankai is prohibited. –steps back-

_Both hold their zanpakuto ready before them, then in a flash, they are gone, meeting again in the centre, blades crossed. The exchange of blows does little to either side, till Ichigo scores a hit on Byakuya's arm. Byakuya retreats, fixing Ichigo with a piercing stare as he hold Senbonzakura vertically in front of him._

_"Chire, Senbonzakura."_

_The glints of pink fly towards Ichigo, as he merely smirks and steps back._

_"Getsuga_ _Tenshou!"_

_The black wave and pink petals annihilate each other, as both shinigami meet again, Zangetsu pressing against a reformed Senbonzakura. They continue trading blows, neither gaining the edge._

_Two hours later…_

Kira: -yawns- Let's just move on while we wait for that fight to conclude.

**3 shorty-kun[I'm starting to think I have a death wish...] vs. Juu-chan**

**4 me vs. shorty-kun [yep...definately a death wish lol]**

Momo: But Shirou-kun left… Shall I go fetch him?

Kira: Uh, sure! –pushes Momo offstage-

**FUNNIEST STORY EVER!**

From Lydiacatfish:

**Okay, this is one of the fawesomest fanfics I have ever read. So, for the**

**character vs. character fight, I think it'd be interesting to see Byakuya**

**fight against Urahara while still in those clothes. XD Then the winner against**

**Yachiru.**

Kira: -glances back- Oh, they're done!

Byakuya: -collapses-

Ichigo: -collapses as well- It's a draw…

Yachiru: Uh-uh! Looks like I'll have to fight Kisuke-kun then!

Kisuke: Nah, Yamamoto wants me to return to Seireitei… -whispers- This time, it's worse than Aizen…

Hiyori: Yeah, seems like the King of Soul Society or whatever is displeased…

Rukia: H-hey! That was supposed to be classified information!

Hiyori: Won't hurt to give people a fair warning, huh?

**Then, Nel against cute lil' Captain Hitsugaya** **Shiro-kun. It'd be interesting.**

Kira: Hm… Shirou-chan's not back yet… to make up, Yachiru, would you like to take over!

Yachiru: Sure! Yay! Remember to cheer for me, Ken-chan!

_Round 5 – Kusajishi Yachiru VS Nel_

**Thanks again, your story is fexcellent! God I love that word...**

From Artemst:

**ne, this is a hilarious fanfic,**

**chap 11 is a battle? okay, throw hitsugaya at me! Let's see who's zapankuto**

**is 'cooler', up KooKakera[frozen shard(but actually it's a snow**

**wolf)] kicks it to the wall five meters away,don't forget that i'm (beep)-ing**

**strong too!**

**Arigatou, Kira-kun[if you want me to address you with more formality, just**

**e-it]**

Kira: I'm fine with whatever you want to call me, actually. And we seem to have plenty of ice-based zanpakutous around here, don't we?

Yachiru: Yay! Another fight! But… -looks around- Shorty-chan's still gone…

Matsumoto: Probably making out with Momo somewhere, no need to interrupt! –flips hand-

Kira: Never mind, we'll postpone his fights to next chapter. And of course…

Yachiru: Henjin-taichou invented a cloning machine, so to test it, we'll be cloning three non-Bleach characters and then Kira-chan herself will fight the clones!

Mayuri: -tinkers with strange machine- With luck, I can then perfect the cloning process and obtain an army of character clones before anything happens with the Soul Society King…

Kira: Mm-hm. So! Voting is now open for character clones! The first three to reach seven votes get to be cloned and appear in this fic!

Yachiru: Ja ne, minna-chan! –waves-

-curtains come down-

Kon: -pops up- Finally! And now, it's time for Kon-sama's heroic retu—urrrk…

-hand pulls Kon through curtain-

Mysterious Voice: Hmmm, an interesting specimen. Instead of a gigai body, they used a soft toy… I wonder if it can be dissected…?

Mysterious Voice No. 2: Eeek! No! Lemme goooo!!!

-evil laughter can be heard, fade to black-

A/N: Ahhh, another chapter done, no da! This one was postponed over many, many long hours, day after day… -grins sheepishly- Either way, it's another chapter out na no da! Whee! Even though everyone can probably tell I got lazy writing the last few fights.

So how did the attempt at prose go? I have no idea why I even wrote those bits, apart from it's rather hard to portray a fight through script na no da. And I apologize if I got any reviewers' genders wrong. For some reason, I seem to think everyone is female, no da. Hehehe.

Voting for character clones is open till I announce it closed, or until three characters reach seven votes each na no da. Only anime, manga or video game characters allowed. And, um, no One Piece. Sorry.

Oh, and this story might actually evolve a plotline later on. Now I've warned you na no da…

(Been watching too much Gravitation again na no da…)

P.S. Damn. Forgot to re-line the reviews. Never mind.


End file.
